Song Demo: “Demographic Breakdown”

I wrote this song after reading an article on how the advertising industry breaks down the population by age groups, 18 to 34, 35 to 49, 50 to 64, 65 and up. I was in the 18 to 34 cohort and fast approaching the 35 milestone. That was 35 years ago, and having just turned 70 it is with a great sense of irony that I’m singing this song. If you’re a musician approaching 35 feel free to substitute people your own age for the characters in the song, who are all still around and turning 70 along with me.




Demographic Breakdown


Scotty and the Skeptics


The first seventeen years went by so slow
Sometimes I thought I’d die
The next seventeen rolled right along
Like I shifted into high
Now I’m comin’ up to a milestone
A major demarcation line
I go from eighteen to thirty-four
To thirty-five to forty-nine


It’s a demographic breakdown
A statistical decline
You can jog and do your pushups
But you can’t beat Father Time
I’ll be in a whole new marketing group
There’ll be an older audience base
Now they won’t try to sell me Clearasil
It’ll be Preparation H


Prince Charles and David Eisenhower
They’re contemporaries of mine
I think David’s still married to Julie
And I hear Charlie’s doing fine
But Mean Joe Greene retired last year
An old man at thirty-five
And me I’m still about the same
Full of dreams and alibis


I’m in a demographic breakdown
It’s a psychological decline
You can meditate and do your yoga
But you can’t fool Father Time
I’ll be statistically more stable
My car insurance will go down
I’ll have more fatty substances in my blood
I’ll take longer to get aroused.


When I was younger the girls my age
Often went for older guys
Boy it used to tick me off
I spent a lot of lonely nights
Now I’m seeing women of many ages
And it seems to work out fine
I guess Mother Nature has her stages
And I’m no longer asking why


Could it be a demographic breakdown
A biological compromise
Does Mother Nature give us different cycles
To the seasons of our lives
The average man makes it to seventy-two
The average woman to seventy-nine
So if men seem in a hurry
Well ladies, we’ve got nine percent less time
I have a friend he just turned fifty
Another milestone in life
He got a microwave oven from his new girlfriend
And a summons from his ex-wife
The kids couldn’t be there but they all sent cards
On his special day
His friends say he never looked better
It’s the Grecian Formula Gray


He’s in a demographic breakdown
There’s a few new physical signs
You can play racquetball and get a face-lift
But you can’t cheat Father Time
And as for me I’m gettin’ younger
In relation to my peers
And if things keep going like they are
I’ll be twenty-nine if five more years


Now when friends and relations ask me
Just what do I want from life
I still say I’d like to be president
Then maybe win the Nobel Prize
But no matter what else may happen
I’m gonna find myself the right wife
And if we make love on our hundredth birthdays
Then I’ll be satisfied


I want no demographic breakdown
I refuse the slow decline
If you assume the right attitude
The rules need not apply
So when you’re going through your changes
And your wrestling with Father Time
Just remember that getting older
Is mostly in your mind


You need no demographic breakdown
The rules need not apply
Whether your eighteen to thirty-four
Or thirty-five to ninety-nine
If you believe that getting older
Is mostly in your mind
You’ll celebrate your hundredth birthday
And you’ll celebrate it right


If you believe that getting older
Is mostly in your mind
You’ll celebrate your hundredth birthday
And you’ll celebrate it right